a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
