what day is it and did you see me today?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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