I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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