just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
