I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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