Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
