He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
