You're my little dorito
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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