Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
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