i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize