Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
