took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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