just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
