I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
