You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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