I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
