There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
