if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
