He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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