My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
