I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
