Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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