I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
