Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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