I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
