Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
