you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
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