I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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