The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
