I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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