you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
