is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
