Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
