I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
