Three words: puerto rican gang bang
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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