dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
