So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
