your parents love me but you hate me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
