garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
