I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't turn off my feet"
My penis needs a shock collar
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
