Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
