i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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