You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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