Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
