sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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