The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
