so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
