My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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