Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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