u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
