wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize