we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have post one night stand depression
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