ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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