Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
