I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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