I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
