well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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