i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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