i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
