yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
