I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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