I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
