I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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