i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
