He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
