my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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