i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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