dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize