guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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