Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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