By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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