you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
