I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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