I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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