I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
