Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
