Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
