Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
