I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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