I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
