The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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